FTO01 Justified
by Miz Em
Summary: Part of the Fiction to Order thread at Fanfiction forum. Colby shares a memory from his days in CID


Part of the Fiction to Order thread at Fanfiction forum

_**Ordered by rittenden**_  
**characters-** David, Colby  
**setting-** in David's car  
**situation-** David is driving Colby home after the scene in Rampage  
**mood-** sombre  
**reference (this is the word)- **justified  
**required- **a memory from Colby's days in CID

**A/N:**  
Pashtun and Dari (Persian) are Afghanistan's official languages. I chose Dari because Persian is also used elsewhere in the Middle-east.  
----

"You're not even buzzed," David shut the car door in disgust.

"On six beers? You've got to be kidding." Colby cut a derisive look at David as he slid into the passenger seat and put his seatbelt on.

"Removed your inhibitions enough to talk about Kandahar." David was sympathetic. Colby had been through a rough time since ballistics discovered his bullet killed McCall.

Colby snorted a laugh, "Yeah, six beers is enough to remove my inhibitions," he paused, then softly, "And enough to make me remember."

Something in Colby's tone made David cautious. "Remember what?"

"What I'd rather not."

David backed off at the cryptic answer. Colby would tell him when he was ready. But David was sorry now that he'd brought it up. Colby had been cheerful enough when they were talking in the parking lot.

"It takes a lot more than six beers to put me into oblivion. Most of the time it just removes enough barriers so I remember things I've pushed away. That's why I rarely drink more than a beer or two." He lapsed into silence again, eyes a million miles away.

"If you want to talk, Colby..." David was startled at the sadness in the younger agent's eyes as they met his. It had to be worse than the ambush he'd been talking about earlier.

"People think that you don't see any action when you work in CID. Maybe we're not out on the frontlines, but we get our fair share of grief." An underlying note of bitterness crept into Colby's voice.

"We investigated felony level crimes at the CID. Most of the work was around preventing procurement fraud, making sure equipment and supplies get where they're supposed to go, that sort of thing. Once in a while, we'll get an armed robbery, or a sexual assault, even a computer crime or two. I didn't generally get tagged for the computer crimes though." Colby turned to David, a spark of humor in his eyes. "They usually sent me in when someone, usually a trained soldier, needed to be subdued. Or when there's a potential for it anyway."

David laughed, "Stereotyped, huh?"

Colby shrugged, he was used to being dismissed as yet another dumb jock. "Anyway, this sexual assault case came in and I was tagged as primary for it. We were short-staffed as usual and my armed robbery case wasn't going anywhere. I took a rookie out with me."

"The intel we got said the soldier had raped a woman in the village. He was being held on base, we were going to interview the victim and any witnesses. It took us a while to find a female CSI officer, and then to dig out a rape kit. We finally got there a good two hours after we were already supposed to be there." Colby rolled his eyes at the memory of their inefficiency.

"Most of us pick up a little Dari after a few months there. I knew it well enough to conduct an investigation. I let them know we were there to investigate the crime. They were wary but let us in. We asked the usual questions, you know, where were you, what happened, who was there, that sort of thing. And the victim reluctantly let the CSI take the rape kit."

"We were headed out the door after completing a routine interview. Next thing I knew there was gunfire. The rookie was down and bleeding. Lucky for me, that CSI had been around the army long enough to duck behind cover without being told. I'm still not sure why I wasn't hit, but by then I had my gun out. Before I fired back, I realized that it was a kid pointing a semi-automatic assault rifle at me."

Colby heaved a sigh at the memory. "David, he was eight years old. Eight. I tried talking to him. I thought if I could just get him to calm down and give me the rifle, we'd just walk away. But the more I talked, the more agitated he got, and I couldn't understand what he was saying to me. He was talking too fast, and the accent was too thick. I saw him start to squeeze the trigger and I squeezed mine."

Tears rolled down Colby's cheeks, but he made no attempt to brush them away. "I was faster. The blood. God, David, the blood was everywhere. The family came running out of the house, the women were keening and wailing. Turns out he's the son of the rape victim. He thought I was the soldier who had raped his mother and he was out for revenge. He was just a kid trying to protect his mother."

Colby drew a long, shuddering breath, "And you know the irony of it, David? The rape kit came back with positive evidence against the soldier. He was arrested and found guilty based on that evidence. If the boy had just listened to me, and put the gun down..."

For several minutes, silence reigned, then, "The CSI's testimony cleared me. It was self defense. But I had nightmares over it for months."

"How did you cope with something like that?" The catch in David's voice roused Colby out of his melancholy.

"The usual way, psychiatric evaluation, counseling." Colby's tone was gentle. He hadn't meant to depress David, his best friend at the FBI. "Socrates said the unexamined life isn't worth living. Well, we did a lot of examining. But between you and me, the examined life isn't always so helpful, either. All it does is help you come up with justification for what you did. With professional help, I justified away a boy's life." His mouth twisted with disgust at himself.

They had pulled into Hannah's driveway, but Colby's eyes were still raw with emotion. "I need a few more drinks, David, to put me into oblivion. I need to be with Hannah but I can't face her in this mood."

"There's another six-pack in the trunk."

"That'll work."

"But I don't think you really need to hide anything from her. She's a strong woman."

Colby fiddled with his beer, "I know. I'm just not proud of what I've had to do, and I'd rather she not know. Not yet, anyway. She still looks at me like I'm some kind of hero, working at the FBI. I'd like to keep that look in her eyes just a little longer. She gives me a reason to continue, a sense of purpose to my life." He knocked back another beer, then looked at David with a half smile. "That's my justification, and I'm sticking to it."

----

Thanks to Z and Mr. Z for the Socrates quote, and the snark about the examined life not being helpful. :p

And I had to work in the last bit about Hannah so it'd fit in with what I had in Dirty Laundry... Alright, alright, so I just like writing Hannah in. ;)


End file.
